Books, Websites and Resources:

Resources for Couples

Why do so many relationships that begin so happily end up with each partner feeling like the other one doesn't really care anymore?

Of course of what happens after the honeymoon period is over is that you begin to see the other person's faults very clearly (and they see yours!) and you start to feel disappointed that they aren't perfect.

Then, when inevitable disagreements come up, you may resort to name-calling,  put-downs  or other slights that result in on going hurt and mistrust.

One of the first suggestions I often make to couples in this situation is that they adopt "Fair Fighting Rules." Disagreements are inevitable but dirty fighting that damages the other person and the relationship, are not!

FAIR FIGHTING RULES
  • Use "I" statements to express your feelings. "I feel this way" instead of "You do this!"
  • Express understanding of your partner's feelings before you express your own. ("I know you are angry and I understand why, but I'm feeling...")
  • No put-down’s (either direct or indirect). Avoid name calling, criticizing the other person’s character, predicting how they will fail, etc.
  •  Do not yell, raise your voice, or speak in an intimidating manner. 
  • Do not make threats (to leave, or end the conversation). If you need a time out, ask for it, but be willing to return to the discussion at a specified later time.
  • Try to stay in the present to resolve the issue at hand. (Try not to bring up old grievances while trying to resolve the present issue).
  • No “silent treatment”. If you are too angry to talk, say so. But commit to a time to discuss what’s bothering you in a calm and considerate way.
  • Try not to generalize “you always” / “you never”.

Infertility Help

UNSPEAKABLE LOSSES by Kim Kluger-Bell
Unspeakable Losses, pregnancy loss
My book on healing from pregnancy loss and the traumas of infertility which includes practical suggestions such as holding ceremonies and memorials to facilitate recovery, (WW Norton and HarperCollins). The book is available through Amazon and other on-line outlets.

My Books for Donor & Surrogate Kids

The Pea That Was Me
The Pea That Was Me
is a book that introduces  donor-conceived kids (3-5) to the special way they came into the world. (There are versions for egg donation, sperm donation, single mom/sperm donation & others)
                                     Click on cover for more information at Books For Donor Kids  www.booksfordonor.kids
The Very Kind Koala, Surrogacy
The Very Kind Koala: A Surrogacy Story
is a book for kids (3-5) which introduces them to the concept of surrogacy in a positive and charming way.
Click on cover for more information at www.booksfordonor.kids


Fortunately, there are many resources available for those who are struggling to build their families.

Some of my favorite websites are:
www.resolve.org
www.path2parenthood.com
www.adoptivefamilies.com
www.donor-conception-network.org

And I highly recommend these books:
Unsung Lullabies by Jaffe & Diamond
Conquering Infertility by A Domar
A Few Good Eggs by Vargo & Regan
The Infertility Cure by R. Lewis